Empowerment through Story: An enlightening conversation with Rebecca Lynn

*Trigger Warning* Abusive Relationship & Narcissism 

In this empowering episode, we chat with Rebecca Lynn, a certified trauma-informed life coach, and a leadership expert. 

Rebecca discusses her personal journey through significant emotional and psychological hurdles, her exploration of life's ups and downs, and how these experiences shaped her path to become a coach. 

The conversation offers insights into her principled use of the Enneagram in her coaching practice and how she utilizes this ancient tool to help others unleash their potential. 

We delve into the power of individual stories, the importance of emotional awareness, and the significance of nervous system regulation. 

This episode truly embodies the transformative power of resilience, self-awareness, and the pursuit of personal growth.

Find more information and connect with Rebecca Lynn at REBLcoaching.com and on instagram @reblcoaching

Transcript

Cheryll: 0:00

I know it can feel defeating, like when we're just all day, every day. Like you're getting up, you're posting that motivational thing on Instagram and you're, you know, being so kind to the barista and you're living this life. With genuine kindness and you're feeling like, Ugh, I'm nobody. You are, you're, you're somebody, like one person can make a huge impact on somebody else's life, and then it just grows. Good day, good night, good afternoon. Hi, Colleen.

Colleen: 1:06

Hi, Cheryl. Hi, friends. How's it going?

Cheryll: 1:09

Hi, friends. It's another day in Paradise. Was not a night in Paradise. Let me say real quick, I, um, just gave up on sleep last night. Nobody wanted me to sleep. Everybody just kept interrupting me. And so, for those of you watching on YouTube, I look so youthful

Colleen: 1:27

Actually, I was gonna say, you look fab today, so

Cheryll: 1:30

Hmm. Well thanks. That's the trick. Okay, you guys, we have a very special guest today, Rebecca Lynn Thomas. Rebecca is a Santa Maria, California Orca, California local, multi-passionate entrepreneur who spent over a decade in corporate job, in nonprofit work. Before she couldn't take the overwhelming focus on KPIs, which by the way, I don't. Even know what that is over people and toxic treatment. By leadership, she's an educator and Enneagram practitioner, a certified trauma-informed life coach, and a leadership expert. Her passion is helping others learn to tell their stories through the lens of their experience and in the context of their motivations, weakness, driving behaviors and needs so that they can become empowered. This is why she loves the Enneagram and storytelling so much. Not only does this approach work well with one-on-one clients, but also with families and teams. Since our stories are intertwined, she values being the safe space. She has worked so hard to become and wants to promote mental wellness in a new way. Rebecca believes in the power of story and that telling our own story is how we begin to see our own light and become the light to others when they need it. In addition to her coaching certifications, Rebecca has her master's of Arts degree in organizational leadership and has championed. Mentorship for women in business through her writing contributions to Defy Magazine, as well as her participation in local community women's networks. She also happens to be a credentialed substitute teacher. She has spent many years as a single parent to three children, and now resides with her husband Andrew, in her three children in Orchid, California.

Colleen: 3:04

Woo. Welcome.

Cheryll: 3:06

Whoa.

Rebecca Lynn: 3:07

Thank you so. much.

Cheryll: 3:10

You are busy.

Colleen: 3:11

And also welcome to the three um, children Club you're in. Good company. Cheryl and I both have three kids as well, so we're like the sisterhood of traveling children,

Cheryll: 3:23

This is how Rebecca and I initially bonded at a Women making waves event. Shout out women making waves. We see you Tyler Skinner building those communities. we met at this really incredible. Networking like woo woo event and I was just drawn to Rebecca and I listen now and my magnet is going off and we spent the afternoon chatting and I was like, I need more. So Rebecca's my new in-person, friend, everybody.

Colleen: 3:53

Yes.

Rebecca Lynn: 3:53

was so amazing. I felt the same way.

Cheryll: 3:56

Yes, it was great. So Rebecca, we read your bio, but who are you? Tell me

Colleen: 4:01

tell us everything about you immediately.

Rebecca Lynn: 4:04

Everything at once. I am a transplant from the Midwest, so that's a thing that I, I think is really important in the context of conversations like this because I didn't grow up in California. It's a very, very different mindset and way of life than where I grew up. So I grew up in Iowa. Moved here when I was 22. I was a longtime single mom, so a lot of my story includes that the, being a single mom to three kids and trying to just really survive life and I. I am married now for two years, so my husband and I have been together for six years, married for two, and that in itself was a huge journey. You know, coming out of a really abusive and toxic controlling relationship and figuring out how to have a healthy relationship is. A massive part of my journey in, in my growth and all that. And as you were mentioning Cheryl, the the woo woo event. It, I kind of always say that I'm like this hybrid healer person because I love the woo woo stuff. And then I also love the, like, sciencey, like let's get into the, the studies about it, right? So I am totally this hybrid healer person'cause I love all that, but I want it to also be, It's relevant to people who don't like the WOOWOO stuff.'cause not everybody's into that. I love crystals and all that good stuff and I quit my job last May, so that was kind of a big thing. Yeah. So that's a lot. That was a lot in a really short period of time,

Colleen: 5:30

was great.

Cheryll: 5:32

That's how life happens. I feel like it all so fast. You like blink and life is completely different and you couldn't have ever, like two years ago, you would've looked back and been like, well, that would never happen. And then all of a sudden you're like, oh wow. Here we are.

Rebecca Lynn: 5:44

Here we are. Yes.

Colleen: 5:46

ago I lived in LA and now I live in the Midwest. So I did the reverse journey that you did. So life

Rebecca Lynn: 5:53

so you know.

Colleen: 5:54

interesting. I know, man. Like yeah, we could talk about it. It's like living on two different planets, but also the same planet at the same time. So

Rebecca Lynn: 6:03

Yeah.

Colleen: 6:04

it's very interesting. Tell us a little bit about. How that journey happened for you. Like you told us the very short version, but tell us a little bit about how that journey happened for you to transition into coaching, to, to, I mean, tell us your story. You're, you love stories, so how did that happen? You, you touched a little bit upon, like you were in an abusive relationship and I would imagine that kind of shifted to where, you are today and what you're doing and if you're willing to share with us, you know, about that journey, we'd like to hear it.

Rebecca Lynn: 6:34

Yeah, absolutely. So. I have taken a lot, a lot of this past year really to dig into some of those things that really led to where I am right now. How did those decisions come about? How did I find myself in a position to even make some of these choices? And it's really fascinating to kind of look at family of Origin. You know how I grew up. My sister and I grew up in the same household, and our lives are entirely different. So that's an interesting thing. How could she have the life she has? And I have the life I have, and we came from the same place. And one of the things that I sort of came to realize is that in my family, we really were taught to like if something bad happens, you shut the door and move on. Something bad happens, you shut the door and move on. So as I got into my adult life. I didn't really know how to use like, past experiences to make better decisions. I was really kind of winging it all the time because I was never really looking back at past things to say, what didn't work about that? Let's try something better. my brother died when I was four years old, so that I'm coming to realize of course, has been incredibly impactful to my wife and, Actually recently, I think I'm really diving into a lot more of the grief part of that because as I mentioned, shut the door and move on. So we didn't really talk about it a lot when I was growing up. another really big part of my story is growing up in the Midwest, we were very much part of the church. So I grew up we were in the Catholic church till I was 11, and that's when we lived in Wisconsin and then moved to Iowa. So in Iowa, my parents. Had been having some trouble in their relationship and decided that we're gonna go to an e free church and that will solve all of our problems. We're gonna move, change religions, I guess, and everything's gonna be better. And so by doing that, they, you know, put us in this entirely new belief system and. Purity culture is part of that. it's very shame-based. So I grew up just kind of always feeling like this awful, awful human being. So I think putting all of that together, we never looked ba back at our experiences. Everything comes down to the fact that I'm just a really terrible person and I didn't really have a whole lot of guidance because my parents ended up getting divorced when I was 19. So a very pivotal time in my life, I was sort of left to figure it out. And so, I dropped outta college because I don't even, honestly, at this point, I think, how did I even end up in college? Because my parents were sort of in the middle of their whole, you know, thing that was going on and I was just trying to do what everybody else was doing. I think that's probably how I even ended up there. Everyone else was going to college, so I'm gonna go to college. There was, Iowa State University is in the town I grew up in, so that's where I went. It didn't go away. Um, actually stayed living at home because it was cheaper and easier, and I fell in with, uh, you know, a group of kids that probably weren't doing great things, but at the time they were very receptive and welcoming of me in my struggles, where at that same time I had been rejected by my religion. You know, my parents got divorced. I kind of, um, mentally didn't know what to do. No one was coming alongside me to help me figure out how am I gonna go through this whole thing. And so, they actually did tell me, no, we don't really want you to be in leadership. I had been in some leadership positions. We want you to not do that. You need to go and figure this out, as opposed to like drawing me in. They pushed me out. And so of course I found people that would accept me and love me and you know, do all the things I needed. And through that time, I actually ended up pregnant with my oldest. So I was an unwed pregnant woman in the Midwest. And of course, there's only one option when you grow up in the religion I grew up in, and that's to have your baby. So I had my son and you know, I of course would never say like, I wish I wouldn't have done that. Of course, I love him and I am so glad that he's in my life. I do look at that though and think, what in the hell? Like, I was 21 years old, I had no business being a mom to a child. And so, my mom was gonna move back to California. She's from here, and so I thought I'll just hitch a ride. So me and my six month old. Came to California. So that's how we ended up here. and then I had to figure out what do I wanna do? What am I trying to do? Made friends immediately with some really not great individuals. I, and let me just say this. I think that people at their core usually are. Probably pretty good people. And then we start to make decisions and then society tells us kind of like where we fit. So they fit in the like not so great. People stay away from them. They are trouble. And so I became trouble also that led to, I wasn't even really planning on talking about this, but this is really important. Soon after I moved to California, I actually ended up, involved with people who were using drugs and doing drugs and ended up down that road for a little while. And I feel immensely grateful that it didn't last very long for me.'cause I know that that can be a lifelong path for people. They can end up in that world and not be able to get out. I don't know what made the difference for me other than it made me. It made me a little crazy. Like I knew something was wrong. I knew something had to change. I knew that this is not normally how I behave. This is not normally how I act. and so I put myself in rehab when my, I think my oldest was, a little bit over a year old. So I put myself in rehab. I was gone for four weeks and then ended up in, um, AA for six years. So that was really good because it really helped me. The, the 12 steps are amazing. The 12 steps are, uh, something I wish a lot of people would just do because it really does kind of help

Cheryll: 12:31

It should be like the 12 steps of life.

Rebecca Lynn: 12:33

oh my gosh, seriously.

Cheryll: 12:34

alive.

Rebecca Lynn: 12:36

Yes. And you know, I was in my early twenties, 20, you know, 22 to 28 or whatever, and what a pivotal time to be able to have something like that, really helping to guide my life. I think that was a really big part of how, what has gotten me here, like May, that was probably the jumping off point. And at the same time I was working for, I had, but I hadn't finished college yet at all by this time. So I'm married. I. I met someone married, had a daughter, and I worked for a local engineering company. And I had a manager who was just absolutely phenomenal. And I would say he's probably the reason that I went into the program of study that I went into because he was so good at, treating me like a person. It wasn't about the tasks that needed to be done. And even if I made a mistake, he would say things like, wow, I must not have explained that very well to you. Let me try again. And it was never my fault. It was always, let me help you be better. And that was intriguing to me because I'd never worked for anyone like that before and I thought more businesses need this, so I'm gonna go and learn everything I can about how to be a good leader and hopefully be able to impact. Wherever I end up in, in this positive way that's more about people than KPIs. So key performance indicators, which is like the money side. You know, are we making money? Are we losing money? Do we have too many people? All those fun things that businesses need to be aware of, obviously, but the people are the reason that we can even have the businesses or do the things that we do. being treated like a human being for, you know, maybe one of the first times in my life really did impact. Me and like, what do I wanna do? I wanna help people. I wanna make sure that in businesses we also recognize the people that are part of it.

Cheryll: 14:24

So this is just making me think, and there's this saying like, if I could just help one person, like if you can change one person's life, you can change the world. And if we look back at that, I. Manager who changed your life and helped you change your world. And now look at the, the career you've chosen and the number of people that you're gonna help. Like that one person was the catalyst to like this whole exponential growth of change. So for anybody who feels like you're not doing anything, you're not making an impact on the world. Like think about this one man that was just kind and a good leader. And now look at the catalyst of change that he's. He is put into place. So I just am listening to you talk

Colleen: 15:08

Yeah.

Cheryll: 15:09

have, have to say that'cause it just feels so important.'cause I know it can feel defeating, like when we're just all day, every day. Like you're getting up, you're posting that motivational thing on Instagram and you're, you know, being so kind to the barista and you're living this life. With genuine kindness and you're feeling like, Ugh, I'm nobody. You are, you're, you're somebody, like one person can make a huge impact on somebody else's life, and then it just grows. Okay, continue.

Rebecca Lynn: 15:36

Yeah. You know, and I don't even know if he would, if he would really know that I haven't actually been in touch with him for, for a while. So someday hopefully I get to tell him.

Cheryll: 15:46

Yes. Send him a thank you card.

Rebecca Lynn: 15:48

yeah, actually that's such a good idea. That's such a good idea. I love handwritten thank you cards,

Colleen: 15:52

You send him the

Cheryll: 15:54

yeah. send him this podcast.

Colleen: 15:55

was just gonna also say Cheryl, like that, isn't it so interesting how like just a tiny bit of like humanity and empathy and kindness. It's not like he was like. From what you're saying, like it's not like he was like, wow, Rebecca, you're gonna be amazing. I'm gonna pay for your college and I'm gonna do this, and I'm gonna do that. All these things. He was just like, okay, cool. Let me teach you. I'm so, you know, like little bit of empathy literally can change somebody's life, which is pretty incredible. Okay, so keep going, keep telling us.

Rebecca Lynn: 16:29

Yeah. You know, and I, I do think, like where I came from into that job, it was a temp job that I ended up getting hired on permanently and I was, I started out as a receptionist, you know, but I really like, I. Took this seriously. A receptionist is an incredibly important job. They are the beginning of a lot of interaction with people. And so I took that really seriously and I think he saw that, he saw that there was this like serious person doing this job that, you know, I sometimes wish I could go back and be a receptionist. It was a much. Better place to be, you know, than trying to think I needed to be in charge or needed to be, you know, the boss of people. And that's not really all that it's cracked up to be. You know, it was a, a much better, maybe fit for the tempo of the workday. Like, I just kind of would like to do that job again. I think.

Cheryll: 17:18

If I could tell you all the times I daydream about pouring wine in a tasting room or going back to bartending like a couple shifts a week, I literally want to take a bartending shift just to be back into that world because it was like so soul filling and like there's no homework. You just, you're there and you make these connections. And then you leave and making connections is my favorite part of life, which is why I'm now a realtor and I am like building communities and I just talk to me. I like friends.

Rebecca Lynn: 17:50

Yeah. Oh my gosh. I totally agree. It's like, okay, that's my retirement job. Maybe before then, I, let's see. Right around the time I turned 30, we had my husband at the time and I had bought a house. we, these two kids, like he's was just. You know, awesome dad to my son who, you know, it just a lot of really great things and then things kind of fell apart there. And I think about this now, looking back at it kind of like, Elizabeth Gilbert's Eat, pray, love. There's a part in the beginning of the movie book slash book where she says she's in her bathroom and she just realized like she just didn't wanna be married anymore. Like she just knew it was the wrong thing. She had made a choice, but she just really like it just. She just didn't wanna do it anymore, and I think that's where I got to in that relationship. So yes, there were some things that were tumultuous, but it wasn't bad. I just didn't wanna be married anymore. I'd finally kind of gotten to this place where I knew that, you know, my life had kind of gone down this weird path that I never really imagined. But here we are and I wanna do something else. I don't wanna do this anymore. And at the same time, he was making some choices also that allowed me to say, see, he's doing that. I need to leave. So there was a little bit of making him the villain so that it could be so bad that I had no other choice. And I am very grateful that I made that choice. I wish I would've had like that presence of mind, or I guess the maturity at the time. To know that that's actually what was happening. I was just choosing to leave and that's a totally okay thing to do. So I have the seven year-old and this 3-year-old and I leave and I decided I'm gonna go back to school. I registered for college. That was one thing about him. He did not want me going to school. He absolutely did not want that. So that was part of it, I think, for me, really is like, I should be able to go to school if I wanna go to school, and so I'm gonna do that. So I

Cheryll: 19:50

Yeah, in like 1820, girl, you go get that education if you want it.

Rebecca Lynn: 19:56

Yes. So, and you know, part of it too is thinking about my daughter. Like what do I want her to see? What do I want her to know she gets to say and do and think and decide for herself, and that somebody else doesn't get to come in and decide that for her. So at that time I'm leaving. I also had just, read this book called The Shack by William Paul Young, and it was an incredibly controversial book in Christian circles. I was like peripherally, still involved with church, but my husband was an agnostic, so I already married outside of the, their religious acceptability, you know, so that was part of it maybe too. I made that wrong decision. I need to correct things. I'm gonna get reconnected to the church. So that's what happened. I actually divorced and got back into, which I think is maybe opposite to some people's experiences. And so I did, I got really involved. I actually then ended up meeting who was this very abusive, narcissistic, toxic person. And I know narcissistic and toxic are buzzwords and they're, you hear it a lot. I was legitimately conned into a relationship by an incredibly narcissistic person.

Cheryll: 21:07

And isn't it generally true? Narcissists are pretty charming to like.

Rebecca Lynn: 21:13

Yeah.

Cheryll: 21:14

Yeah,

Rebecca Lynn: 21:15

I had a woman years later say, like in front of me, she did not know this about me. And she's like, God, women can just be so stupid. How could anybody just fall for that? And I looked at her and I said, do not ever say that again.'cause I'm an incredibly intelligent woman. And it happened to me.

Cheryll: 21:31

I can't tell you the number of intelligent, amazing women that I see end up in these scenarios. It's like, it's shocking and it's. Because they're so charming and tricky. Con shitheads, assholes. Excuse me.

Rebecca Lynn: 21:48

Yeah. They become everything. He was everything I ever wanted. He was this Christian. Like devoted, faithful man who said all the right things. There was definite love bombing. There was definite, casting this vision of this future that we could have together. He was, you know, so good with my kids. There was just so much about it. That was good, you know, and I thought, well, this must be the reason why I had to leave my marriage because I found this person. He is so wonderful, and he made me so small. Over the course of four years, I absolutely lost every bit of who I was. And while my ex-husband and I had had our issues and there was stuff going on there, I never one time questioned when I was with him if I was pretty enough, if I was skinny enough, if I was funny, if I never questioned those things because his, his, um, the way he felt about me was, was known. He didn't do anything to make me question it. To cause to bring any of it into like this unsure place. But with this person, everything was unsure. I would say something about liking an outfit and he would be like, well that doesn't really, that, that wouldn't look good on you because you're not tall enough. I mean, there was always some weird statements about, well, if you, you know, I could have anyone, he would say things like that. I could have anyone, if I wasn't here, I'd be off with so and so. He would tell me stories, and they wouldn't be names of women. It would be the psychologist I was with one time, the, whatever. I don't even know the doctor I was with one time, you know, they all had a title. And so actually after I left I was like, I wonder what my title is because for sure I'm a story now. And that's okay. they worked, they work. So that's the problem is that they do work because it's drawing on, my desire for somebody to reach their potential. I see potential. Potential is a dangerous thing because it looks so good, but then if there's no action behind it, now it's become dangerous. Now it's just wishful thinking and you just hope like, okay, maybe tomorrow, maybe tomorrow, he'll do the thing he promised that he would do. Yeah, there it, I can't even really describe like how over the course of four years, I think it kind of comes down to this. I always wanted it to go back to the way that it was in the beginning. So I was constantly fighting for it to go back to the way it was in the beginning, and it was never gonna happen. And so

Cheryll: 24:19

it kind of like that analogy of like, when you're playing the slot machine and you've ha like you've, you've tasted the win, and then so you just keep, and then you're, you're in this like losing si cycle, but you just keep pulling the thing because you're like, well, it felt so good to win and you won in the beginning, and you're just like chasing

Colleen: 24:37

it's also like you see that it's a possibility, right? So you see that it's there, and then if you're somebody who has needed love or wanted love or. Ever felt self, self-doubt, or ever, you know, wanted a roadmap, right? Or wanted a guide. And here's somebody who's like, I love you, you're wonderful. I've got a guide for you. And now they're not that. You're like, wait a minute, how do I get you, you were the guide. How do I get, how do we get back to that? That's, oh.

Rebecca Lynn: 25:08

How do we get back to that? Yep. And he was very good at getting me to question myself. Constantly questioning myself, but I think what's really interesting about this, and I don't know that this is really common, he actually really taught me how to leave him. he he taught me how to advocate for myself externally, so I would advocate for myself at work. For example, to get a raise or to, be promoted or outside. with my mom for, that's another example. You know, they do a lot of like cutting you off from the outside world. So there was a lot of helping me figure out how to say the really hurtful cutting thing that would end that relationship. So he was teaching me how to advocate for myself, for all these really good things that really were about closing me off and giving him more control. He also really, really tapped into that shame part of me that existed, that part that told me I was never gonna be good. I mean, look at me. I'd been on drugs, I'd been in rehab. I'm already divorced. I was an unwed single mom. you name it, I did it. I'm a horrible person and I know that. So he totally tapped into that. Everything was about me proving that I was good enough until the end. When things started to get really bad, and he was basically raking me over the coals, like anytime I'd leave the house, I'd come back and he would ask me who I was with, what I talked to about who you know, who else I saw, whatever. And it would be this like constant over and over and over. It was every time, and there was one issue that kept cropping up and I finally said, this is enough. I haven't done anything wrong. And I sort, I, I definitely lost it. I was screaming at the top of my lungs.'cause it was kind of that like maybe, um, climactic moment in my life. Like I am done with this shame. I am done with people calling me out on things that I should have done better. I'm done with being told how awful I am. I mean, it was just like, not even about him necessarily. It was like the whole thing. I'm done. I'm not living like that anymore'cause I'm not a horrible person. I am literally doing the best I can every day and it's never good enough. I don't wanna live like that anymore. So he turned out, he was also using drugs and probably having an affair and all kinds of stuff, and I was just, I tried for a whole year. To make everything better. I mean, I cut off every single person in my life. My mom was helping me move. At one point when we found this calendar that I used to write every activity, my kids' activities and all this stuff, it was blank for nine months. There was nothing on that calendar, and I said, never again. We will never live like this again. I moved my kids into a different house. There was a very brief time where he, you know, made these very big gestures of, I'm gonna be better, I'm gonna do all these things. I entertained that long enough to get pregnant with my third child. And then I was like, what? What am I doing? What am I doing? This is really, nope, I'm not doing this. And so he did have an opportunity to change his entire life. He just, you know, at that point. He had lost control over me. It wasn't fun for him anymore. That's another part of it is, you know, as long as there's control and as long as there's the ability to like, have power, it's fun. I, I took all that away. It didn't exist anymore. He would, you know, use other people like, well, what will this person think? I don't care. I don't care. They can think whatever they wanna think. I know the truth and I'm just gonna live in that truth. And if that means I lose everyone, I lose everyone. And I'm okay with that. I haven't spoken to, heard from him

Colleen: 29:03

Wow.

Rebecca Lynn: 29:04

10, it'll be 10 years in September. So yeah,

Cheryll: 29:10

Wow.

Rebecca Lynn: 29:12

that led to, you know, I think that that idea of like, I am not this terrible person. I am done with all this shame. I was like, wow, I think I actually have power and control over my life. What do I wanna do with it? And that led me to kind of this path that I'm on now that's never ending, of course, like personal growth and all that. It's really just this constant thing and you can take breaks and, you know, take time to reflect on what you learn, but. That's really when it started. And I said to myself, I need to know what is, what are the most important things to me? What do I value the most? And I don't know if I read a book, I don't know where it came from, but I was like, I need to know my core values. And so I just figured out what those were and I was like, these are gonna guide every decision that I make. And I ended up being single for four years. I tried to date people and I was like, Nope, I am still too. Not broken'cause I don't really like using that word. I, I still have patterns that need to be. Dealt with, I still have attachment issues. I still have these things. I need to be able to be single and be on my own and have my kids and have our life and do what we want to do. And so I did, I had a really great job. I bought a house. The four of us lived there together. And, on December 31st, 2017, I remember, uh, getting ready in the morning and I just said, oh. God, I love my life. I love my life. I love my kids. I love this life that we've created. I like, I don't need anything else. If it's just like this forever, I will be the happiest person in the world. And 12 hours later

Colleen: 30:48

Oh,

Rebecca Lynn: 30:48

Andrew, who is now my husband, and

Colleen: 30:50

love it.

Rebecca Lynn: 30:51

whole thing in a really good way.

Colleen: 30:53

Rebecca, will you, will you share with us if you, if you want to, like, what, what are those, what are your core values? Like what are the things that that made it so you felt very confident in who you wanted to be or what were the things you were trying to, to hold onto or do?

Rebecca Lynn: 31:08

now they're a little bit different.'cause I do believe that they change over time based on what we need in our life and the circumstances we have. So, at the time, integrity was the number one, and part of that was my own integrity. I realized that I was sort of a, chameleon. I would become whoever. The person wanted me to be, whoever that was. It didn't have to be a man necessarily. It could be like at my job. and that's kind of where I noticed it the most was like, I would be in a meeting and somebody would say something and I would feel the opposite way, but I'd be like, okay, you know, and go along with it. In reality, I'm inside. Like, that's the dumbest idea ever. Why did I just agree to that? And it would be very frustrating. I started realizing I was compromising myself. I was really abandoning things that I knew. Being able to say, no, I think we're actually headed in the wrong direction in this case, or at work. What did I care if I said, you know, something in opposition? I just didn't want to be disliked. So it became more about, okay, if I'm gonna say yes, then I wanna stand behind that. Yes. If I don't agree with something that I need to say that, because that is the Integris position to say, no, I don't wanna do that. So integrity was a big one. Honesty, of course, because I'd gone through a huge amount of betrayal. But here's the thing. I also withheld information and I had to come to grips with the fact that I was also trying to manage situations by not being honest. I had to really like deeply look at myself. How am I coming into a relationship with anyone, a friend at work, a man, any of that. I manage situations by withholding. My opinion, or by not sharing all the information or by saying, oh yeah, I really like that food too, when I hate it. So honesty was another one, and I'm trying to think what the other, it became soon after that, community, I knew I actually really needed good community and this was not it. So what did that mean to me? And really diving in and, and defining these words. What do they actually mean to me so that I know when it shows up, what, like, yes, oh, this is aligned because this is what I meant when I said that word. So now, I have my own core values, and then we do have family values that we also have. So it's totally different than saying in our family, we believe in whatever this doctrine it is. These are the values that we have. And so, compassion is a huge one. Restoration, adventure and, community is still a part of that. So adventure's important'cause we need to have fun, you know, but restoration, we really do wanna be a family. People that, that can look at another person and see their light, see their humanity, see that they, you know, deserve, hello? You know, my oldest son is so awesome. I was in San Luis with him recently and we had just eaten lunch and so we had leftovers and this homeless gentleman was on the street and my son walked up to him and was like, Hey, how's it going? And like started having a whole conversation with him and I just started bawling first of all, because I was mad at myself'cause I just like walked right by that guy. But secondly, because my son knew it was important for that man to be seen by someone and to like get to ha answer the question, how are you today? And it was really, really special. So I can say like I've passed that along and I still do not do it very well all the time, but it's at least something we talk about in our house.

Colleen: 34:34

that's so

Cheryll: 34:35

supposed to be perfect. That would be so

Colleen: 34:37

Tell us about your coaching that you're doing right now? And I am also really interested in, like this whole evolution of your life and your story is so beautiful and then, you know, how do you get into now coaching? And then talk to us about, like what that coaching, like if, if we were gonna come and be coached by you, what does that look like and what, and what should we expect?

Rebecca Lynn: 34:59

the coaching, I actually started more focused on Enneagram, and that really is, it's in the realm of personality typing. but it gets really deep into motivations and fears and things like that. So the reason I love that is because it helped me gain so much context around my story, why I behaved some of the ways that I did, why I made decisions I made, why I chose to interact with people the way that I did, because I really do value like justice. I value, my people. My people are really important to me. I'm an eight, so I'm a very loyal person. So it makes sense why I would really try and make things work. Why I would really try and like make these relationships still be good even when. Not great things were happening, so it gave me a lot of context. So I loved Enneagram. I actually think I got exposed to it first in like 20 17, 20 18, and I just absolutely fell in love with it. And so I thought, wow, this is a really great tool for me. I think it would also help other people. And when I was getting ready to leave my job. That was the thing that I was most drawn to. And I thought, this can help individuals, it can help teams. it could even help families, and it does help our family. Knowing people's types and motivations and all that stuff really does help us communicate really well. So Enneagram was that, and then I thought, well, I wanna be certified as a coach. And so I went through this program and I found a trauma-informed program, which has absolutely been life-changing. because we really dove into nervous system regulation and understanding triggers and the way that those things really do impact how we can move forward, make forward progress, how we can, learn new habits. So. That was why I, I picked, well, I didn't know at the time that I, that's why I picked it, but I'm so glad that I did because I got so much out of that when I started to understand my nervous system and the way that emotions in my body are impacting how I show up in a situation, I can do something about that. I'm not stuck with that for my whole life. And so in my coaching, and I actually was just really defining this the other day, my coaching program that I'm gonna start offering now is called Story Light Coaching. And so it's about bringing light to the individual story, starting with their n enneagrams. So where, what are your motivations? What are your weaknesses? What are, you know, the things that really light you up. What is the core, they call it core wound, but it's really like where are you behave acting out of? There's like one thing that really brings other actions into play, so bringing light to that. The second part is understanding the nervous system. What the triggers are getting to know, like how do you feel in your body? How does anxiety feel to you? And then being able to actually bring that into awareness so that you can work with that instead of just having to feel it and not knowing what to do. My 9-year-old has intense anxiety and so I see him trying to figure this out. So we do a lot of, I do a lot of work with him, but oh my gosh, it's been incredibly life altering for me to be able to be. Triggered in a moment or have my nervous system activated and be able to say, okay, when I feel like this, where I just am like there's a ball of energy inside of me. What works best for me is to take some really deep breaths, take my shoes off, and go stand outside. I know that about myself now, but I didn't know that for a really long time, so I ended up. Yelling at people when I didn't need to. And you know, making some not great decisions because I was in my lizard brain. Yeah. And not really thinking. Right. When we are triggered or in those moments, we don't even have access to our cognitive thinking. We can't even make decisions from a logical place. They're all from an emotional place.

Cheryll: 38:37

You're describing like 5:00 PM to 7:00 PM in my house every single day when I am like acting for my lizard brain instead of having like being who I know

Colleen: 38:47

Cheryl, do you, do you know your e Enneagram? Cheryl? Do Have you done your before?

Cheryll: 38:53

Can't remember from seven or eight. What's seven called?

Rebecca Lynn: 38:56

seven is the enthusiastic visionary.

Cheryll: 38:59

I think that's me.

Rebecca Lynn: 39:00

They celebrate everything.

Cheryll: 39:03

Yeah. And what's eight again?

Rebecca Lynn: 39:05

Eight is the active controller, or it's also called the Challenger. I.

Cheryll: 39:10

That one might. I, I, yeah, I can't remember, but I'm one of those two with a two, like close two. But I think I, I remember reading that that is just because I'm a woman and like, um, we're kind of programmed or conditioned to wanna That's the helper, right?

Rebecca Lynn: 39:29

Yep. And a lot of women are socialized to believe that like when they initially do this, they us, a lot of women think there are too.

Colleen: 39:37

ooh.

Rebecca Lynn: 39:38

the generation before us. So I would say our generation is less inclined to do that, but depending on probably how like our mom was. but that generation, like every woman I talk to, I'm a two. Like no, you're not. Like I've been around too long enough to

Colleen: 39:54

I.

Rebecca Lynn: 39:54

that's not, what is motivating you at all. But an eight has a line. So that would make sense if you're an eight.

Cheryll: 40:03

Yeah, I download my, it's going slow for some reason. I'm an eight

Colleen: 40:07

I think I am based on

Cheryll: 40:08

Or an eight or a

Colleen: 40:09

test I took online one time. I'm a three, so that, And also Capricorn, which those two things really make sense to me. Yes.

Rebecca Lynn: 40:21

I'm in Capricorn too, so

Colleen: 40:22

but I don't know, so I kind of have an idea about what those mean. But like. How do we use those, that information like to help us succeed?

Rebecca Lynn: 40:35

having the information and I think what's really cool about Enneagram and I think most personality tests. And like I said, this is not a personality test because it gets beyond actions and behaviors, but it's in the realm of those. They're never meant to pigeonhole us or put us in a box. That's never the intent of those kinds of assessments. The intent is to say, this is the benchmark. Here's where you are, here's where you're starting from, and now you have opportunities to grow beyond that. So the Enneagram assessment that I work with is from integrative Enneagram, and it's actually the same, assessment that Ian Cron uses. When he works with people. So he wrote the book, the Road Back to You. It's one of the most, famous Enneagram books that exists and it really dives really deep into things. And when you get this report, it's like 26 pages and there are development activities and all this stuff. So what I do is I take that report and I pare it down. So we start with the basics because most people have, they've taken a, an assessment online or they might have read something or their mom talked to them about it. You know, like there's all these like random things that people are like, oh yeah, I've seen it. I maybe took it one time. I don't know a lot about it. So we go back to basics. I explain what it is, where it's an ancient tool, right? That's like made its way until now. And, and really in the 1920s I think is when it came back into. A more relevant position. And so we pair it go way back to those basics, and then we start interacting with their type in particular. And I actually make a sort of shorthand report. So they have this full report, but then they, I give them one that's much easier to like digest and actually is specific to whatever the issues are right now that they need to be, that they're trying to move forward from or trying to make sense of. Um, because 23 pages is a lot of information, but it's also a great resource that you have forever moving beyond that. So I do also do, um, more of a like one-off Enneagram like deep dive and that's like a three hour appointment. So there's like the assessment and then we sit down and do this whole huge deep dive into an Enneagram thing. So, you know, I have this whole coaching package program that people can do, but if they just wanna do the Enneagram stuff and really have a good understanding of it, I do offer that also.

Cheryll: 42:53

I am an eight. I found it. I'm the challenger.

Rebecca Lynn: 42:59

I'm not that surprised. And you do have, so eights also have a seven wing, so you do have the like, you know, I think you're probably a celebratory person who's like excited and all that.

Cheryll: 43:10

Very enthusiastic.

Rebecca Lynn: 43:11

Awesome. Fellow eight. I love it.

Cheryll: 43:14

Love it. Okay. So how, how is this business going for you? Like how has been the entrepreneur journey of like stopping corporate and then now like going out on your own? Because I know we're talking to a lot of those people as well. I mean, that's Colleen, that's me. That's you. There's so many, of our listeners that are like, okay, let's go. How's it going?

Rebecca Lynn: 43:37

Uh, I have been thinking about this a lot lately because I, okay. I read, Amy Porterfield, so I read her book two weeks notice and that was a great book. I really, really liked that book. I'd had it in my mind for a while that I needed to leave. I had some really not great situations happen in my job in the last. I guess it was 2022. And so I really took that year to like figure out what do I wanna do? We did make a plan, but I didn't really make a plan as far as my business goes. So I left my job in May and I thought, this'll be great. This'll be easy. No, it is not. And what I feel like has been happening is like I am creating my business in real time. So like everyone is seeing the changes that are happening and at. First I was like, I should have had this all figured out. And now I'm like, whatever. It's gonna change and it's gonna morph and it's gonna become more of what it is trying to be and I need to sort of take my hands off of it a little bit, of course, you know, dream and all that stuff, and try and put goals in place. And this year I did a much better job of having actual goals. Last year it was more about leave your job and start doing something. And I have a website. I did that. You know, I'm like trying to start my email list, made a couple freebies and now I'm like, okay, I did all these things. What do I actually want to spend my time on this year? And I am really glad that I did it this way. I know that this way would not work for everyone that are people who want to be very calculated and they need to have a plan, and they need to have a backup plan. And that is great. That is not me. So it's been hard. It's been a lot of. For sure days where I've cried and said, what am I doing? Is this the right thing? Should I be doing this? But then every time I get to sit down with somebody and talk about their Enneagram with them and their eyes light up and they're so excited, I'm like, yes, this is exactly why I'm, that is why I'm doing this. Because that moment when they feel empowered for the first time, and who knows how long, I want more of

Colleen: 45:37

And I think what you're saying is basically the definition of the entrepreneurial journey, right? Like I, I think there are people who I. Like true entrepreneurs are not necessarily the people that are sitting down and making the like five-year plan, right? Like they are the people who are like vision first plan as we go kind of situation. You know, they might have the spreadsheet, Cheryl, they might have uh, put them thought into it, but they're not sitting on it too long and you are constantly refining and understanding and working through. Because you can't really understand what a business is and how it's gonna go and where it's gonna go until you start doing it, and until you, until you start crying on the floor and, and failing and being scared and then keeping going. I mean, that's, I mean, right. Like that's, I don't know that there is another path for a new business.

Cheryll: 46:43

Well there is, we don't know about it in this room, these three of us. what I'm hearing, I'm relating because like this year. I have decided probably for the last six months since Paden Hughes, shout out to Paden Hughes. She's another coach. She's really into the human design. I've done some work with her. she was like, if it's not a hell yes, it's a no. And then also my type in human design is I'm an attractor or like I'm a manifesting generator, so like I just, what I'm excited about, people are gonna be attracted to. And, and I know that and I see that. And so right now my decision has been I am going to do the things that light my soul on fire, and then the universe will find a way to pay me for it. Like, because that feeling that you get like, oh yes, this is, this is why I do it. Unfortunately, we can't take that to the bank and I can't put that in an envelope and mail it to pg e so that my electricity stays on. That's unfortunate. Wish I could, it's like when I used to get a compliment on a, a receipt at work. And they tipped 10% and they were like, you're the best waitress ever. I'm like, great. I'm gonna take that note to the bank and they're gonna increase that tip you gave me of 10% to 20 so that I can pay my rent. it's not how it works, but like this year I am trusting the, the universe that if I just lean into the things that light my soul on fire, it's going to excite the people around me. And eventually, hopefully, sooner rather than later, the universe will be paying me for it in one way or another. And I feel like. We're in alignment on that. It seems like that's kind of like, yes, yes, yes. That's what, yeah.

Colleen: 48:17

Yeah,

Cheryll: 48:18

let's

Colleen: 48:19

I think

Cheryll: 48:19

on Fire

Colleen: 48:20

it's interesting the more you lean into who you are authentically and who you are, what your passions are, and what lights you on fire, people start to see that. I mean, I have had people say things to me in the last few months that I'm like, okay, I didn't know that I was doing, you know, people are like. You know, without sounding weird, but people are like, Colleen, you're so magnetic. Like, and I'm like, oh, I am. Or they'll be like, you are so fabulous, or you're so whatever. And I'm like, I am. Oh, okay, great. But you know, it's those things when you're really, really authentically putting yourself out there without any restrictions, without those people holding you back, without any of those things, it is a whole different. Ball game. It's a whole different, level. And when you're out here doing that and you're trying to build a business there, it's almost like you're, it's inevitable, right? And what you're doing, Rebecca, is like, you're doing this with such a, like a amazing, pure heart and like really amazing intentions and people are. Just keep going. People are gonna be drawn to you and drawn to what you're doing and your story, and we're so excited to be able to have a platform for you to come and like talk about your story and talk about, because it's, I mean, while it's, no one wants necessarily to experience those things or have those experiences, so many people do. Right? And that is so real for so many people and, and I'm sure so many of our listeners can relate to all of those different parts of your life. That you so graciously shared with us that, I think it's really amazing that you have taken that and been able to turn that into like a way to help somebody else, and a way to like say, yeah, man. Like I know I. Fucking sucks out there. Like I've, I've been there and now you're gonna be able to like, help so many amazing people, with that. So I'm just so excited for you and I'm, and you know, without being weird, like, we're so proud of you for doing what you're doing and I think it's wonderful. Yeah.

Rebecca Lynn: 50:29

Thank you.

Cheryll: 50:31

And this is part

Colleen: 50:32

Yeah. I want you to tell us what to do with our ennea.

Rebecca Lynn: 50:36

Oh, I would love that. That's so fun. When you were saying, about human design, and I love human design too. I haven't do dove into that too much, but I think of Enneagram when people talk about those things, I'm like, okay, Enneagram is like human design light. Like if somebody's not quite ready for that, Enneagram is a great entry point because it doesn't. Human design to me. I'm like, that's, that is, that is a woowoo thing. Right. It's also very real. I love it. I'm a generator, so, and, but I don't know that much about it yet, but I thought Enneagram is a little, it's just a good entry point, you know? Yeah. They work really well together from what I've noticed so far. Yeah.

Cheryll: 51:14

I agree. Okay, so since we're obsessed with you, I'm sure everybody who's listening right now is also obsessed with you, so can you please share where we can get more of you?

Rebecca Lynn: 51:24

Yes. I have a website, it is, REBLcoaching.com, rebel Coaching. It's rebel without the second E, and then my Instagram is the same. It's REBL coaching, so I know that's confusing for some people, but my name is Rebecca Lynn, and so it just turned into Rebel. Yeah, and I do have, um, my email list too. I have a freebie linked on my Instagram and it actually is a guide to nervous system regulation, and it is pretty comprehensive, I refer back to it all the time to remember what did I put out in the world because it is super helpful. I have a 21-year-old. He's about to be 21, almost 17-year-old and a 9-year-old. So I'm like running the gamut of like life experience and emotions and all this stuff. And it has been incredibly helpful for me. In fact, we just went on a family vacation and everyone was like pretty chill the whole time. And I think it's because we really do practice these things and it is a practice. It is in no way alike. You do it and it's perfect. It is. I don't know. That was half luck though. I think too, not just nervous system regulation, but that doc, that guide is really great. So I highly encourage people to sign up for the email list just to get that. cause it,

Cheryll: 52:36

Yeah, I'm in.

Rebecca Lynn: 52:37

Yeah.

Cheryll: 52:38

Well, thank you again so much for being here. This has been such a pleasure.

Rebecca Lynn: 52:42

Thank you for having me. I love chatting with you guys.

Cheryll: 52:45

Awesome.

Rebecca Lynn: 52:47

Thank you.