We’re doing this right. Right?
“We Are Doing This Right. Right?” is your go-to podcast for humor-infused discussions that empower women to lead, succeed, and grow. Join us as we explore the smart side of life, business, and friendship, all while navigating the balancing act of parenting and work life. Get ready to laugh, learn, and find your path to success with a community that's cheering you on every step of the way.
We’re doing this right. Right?
How to Get Your Dopamine Fix: Tips for a Happier Life
Text us! We know you feel like part of the conversation! We want to hear your input!
In this episode, Cheryl and Colleen discuss actionable tips on how to get your dopamine fix and improve happiness. They share personal anecdotes, practical advice, and dive into topics ranging from debt payoff strategies to the importance of small wins, healthy habits, parenting challenges, and mindful practices.
Resources discussed:
Digital Brand Kit - Branding Quiz: Get 10% off with promo code DOINGTHISRIGHT
The Anxious Generation by Jonathon Haidt
Ninja Selling: Subtle Skills. Big Results by Larry Kendall
Learn more about the InspireHER Collective
Be our guest on We’re Doing this Right. Right?
Happier Human by Skye Michiels
Clifton Strengths with Rachel Wainer
Chappell Roan - “Hot to Go” “Pink Pony Club”
Unreasonable Hospitality by Will Guidara
Susie Adamson, Real Estate Coach: Focus & Flow
Adam Grant on Trevor Noahs podcast: What now?
Dave Ramsey has this snowball approach that he talks about for paying off debt. And what it is is it's not looking at interest rates. It's not looking at anything like that. You look at your balances and you pay off your smallest balance first. So you put them in order, you pay minimum payments to everything else. And you put all the extra that you've been throwing at all of them, because let's, we all know when we have multiple things we're paying to, we're never, well, not never, but often not paying the smallest, like the minimum balance on those. We're just throwing a lot at each of them. So the tip there is you pay minimums on everything, and then you'd throw everything else you would have been throwing at that, at this smallest one, because you're going to pay that one off super quick if you do that, because it's pretty easy. Probably small. And then now you roll all that into your next one. So you snowball it and then you roll it onto your next one. And it's the reason it works is because you're seeing that accomplishment and you're getting that dopamine hit and you're feeling excited and like you, you're more motivated to keep going by doing it this way, which is why he suggests it. So there's an actionable anecdote around celebrate your small wins to get a little hit.
colleen_1_09-18-2024_131322:I love that. I've heard that many times, but I like framing it in that idea of Almost like checking it off, you know, like the feeling you get when you check it off Hi.
cheryl_1_09-18-2024_101322:you doing it right? What's up?
colleen_1_09-18-2024_131322:Yeah, I don't know. I think so. I am doing I'm doing it right. I think right now parenting a tween girl is really kicking my butt. honest. And that she's also sick, just strep throat. I'll spend a little bit of a week, but work's been okay. I think there's some good. stuff now, I
cheryl_1_09-18-2024_101322:have a tween, but I have parented many au pairs. So if you need any tips, you just let me know.
colleen_1_09-18-2024_131322:mean, just dealing with like 20, she's 10 to 10 and 11 year old girls and friendships and confidence and all of that is it's challenging and you know, it's funny because I obviously was a 10 year old girl at one point we both were, but my daughter's very different than me. I didn't run into, I didn't run into a lot of friends, um, so this is a new thing for me to navigate and also like I, for whatever reason, it's very inherently confident, good, bad or indifferent. She is in some ways and isn't in some ways isn't. So it's just been an interesting thing to navigate
cheryl_1_09-18-2024_101322:Yeah,
colleen_1_09-18-2024_131322:get into tween and preteen and teenhood.
cheryl_1_09-18-2024_101322:I very much feel the. It's easy to coach someone like me
colleen_1_09-18-2024_131322:Yes. Thanks.
cheryl_1_09-18-2024_101322:and harder to coach someone. And I say this all the time when people would ask me, could you teach me how to swim? No, I cannot teach you how to swim. I can teach you how to get better at swimming. Like I don't remember the basics to teach. And it's the same, like with the confidence and If you're not already kind of a little bit confident, I don't have the talking points for you because I was born with this delusional confidence that I have.
colleen_1_09-18-2024_131322:Same. So yeah, I think it is a challenge and I think it's a challenge as a, know, as a strong woman and not to say that I was never insecure, didn't have my own problems because trust me, I did. So that's fine. I'm not perfect by any means, but I, it's hard to relate or hard to understand or hard to know how to navigate this as a parent. of the things I learned very early on this realization very early on was that one that your kids are like, we have three kids, right? But all three kids are going to be very different. And that was a real shock to me when I had my second, because I was like, I'm a pro parent. I should know how to do all this stuff. And then he was nothing like Vivian. Everett was nothing like Vivian. The other thing that I realized very early on is that every day you parent your kids, it's the first day you're parenting that kid. Because they change so exponentially day to day and week to week. And that has been really helpful to me because. know, shit that worked yesterday. It does not always work today.
cheryl_1_09-18-2024_101322:Sure doesn't. I, I have to say that all the time when I'm with the host families and the au pairs, because it's, it's a lot of younger families, like young and a lot of times, you know, Your parenting, maybe for the first time also, and then trying to teach someone your philosophy that you're like, I'm still trying to figure out and I'll tell them all the time. Like what works right now next week, not going to work. Also, what works for your pair may not work for you and what works for me may not work for my husband and vice versa. Emmy, sorry, I'm going to call you out, but she's my middle. She's what Dr. Becky would call a deeply feeling child. She is the most loving and sweet child that I have. She will win anybody's heart over, but if she is unhappy, holy smokes, get out of the way. And I am so triggered by it. So triggered by it. And I can't like, I will send her into an hour long tantrum if I'm the one dealing with it. So when my husband's home, I just tap out and I'm like, it's yours because he can de escalate her very quickly where I just continue to escalate her and then I get dysregulated and then it's just ugly for everybody. So,
colleen_1_09-18-2024_131322:really like that. I think that this is not a parenting show, but maybe
cheryl_1_09-18-2024_101322:mm mm.
colleen_1_09-18-2024_131322:not sure. The thing you said about what works for you might not work for the au pair or for the husband was something that I had a really hard time with when our, when we had the babies with David and I was like, just do it this way. It's, it's. Obviously works and nothing that I did worked for him with our kids. it was really hard for me to, to let go of to show him or tell him what to do. You know, like if our kids are crying, it was very easy for me to comfort them, but he had to figure out his own way to do it. He couldn't nurse them, which I could, which was like, Magic power, uh, but he couldn't do that. So it was, and it was hard for me to watch him struggle to figure that out.
cheryl_1_09-18-2024_101322:I have to quickly say nursing is not an easy button. What I'm saying is that if nursing is doing well for you, and you can just stick a boob in that kid's mouth, that's the easy button because, because I know that it's not easy for everybody, and I don't want anybody to
colleen_1_09-18-2024_131322:No,
cheryl_1_09-18-2024_101322:feel any feelings about it, but it's basically just give that kid some nourishment, and some
colleen_1_09-18-2024_131322:my superpower.
cheryl_1_09-18-2024_101322:right next to you. Yeah, it was me too.
colleen_1_09-18-2024_131322:my superpower for them. I struggled with nursing Vivian and it was hard. And it, Actually, I didn't struggle with nursing. I struggled with pumping, which again, I don't know.
cheryl_1_09-18-2024_101322:I don't know anybody who doesn't struggle with pumping. It's a pain in the ass
colleen_1_09-18-2024_131322:I couldn't produce enough
cheryl_1_09-18-2024_101322:to get enough milk.
colleen_1_09-18-2024_131322:and then pump. And then that was, anyway, it was a whole
cheryl_1_09-18-2024_101322:Yeah, we diverse.
colleen_1_09-18-2024_131322:We digress here. Anyway welcome to our new parenting show. We've rebranded it.
cheryl_1_09-18-2024_101322:we have rebranded actually. And if anybody has seen our new podcast cover, I hope you love it. And we're just kind of aligning our brands of, And this is since we're back on business now, we're aligning our brands of the InspireHER Collective. We're Doing this Right, Right?. And then also my real estate brand is going to be in line with, with this as well. And I'm really loving it and enjoying it. But I used a secret cheat on that. And I'm going to be really happy to share that with you guys. I will put a link in the show notes, but we basically took a branding quiz Colleen and I took it together, but separately, and we got the same results. And then. We ended up branding the same for my real estate company because I got the same results when I was answering the questions for the podcast and InspireHER and then also my personal brand. So, really exciting, really fun. And it like, it makes it so easy. You guys know, I'm all about tangible and easy and actionable things. And this, they literally Kick you out of brand kit. They give you like Facebook covers, Instagram cover signatures. You're here's your fonts. Here's your colors. They've made it just so freaking simple. So also if you get an email from me anytime soon, you're gonna see my new signatures and thanks. Rachel says they're too big. She's a signature hater. She always says my signatures are too big. then Susie said that did get a little bit fucked up, so I got to go back to the drawing board and fix it.
colleen_1_09-18-2024_131322:Loved it. And it's so funny because Alley@alleyinraleigh, who is in our CMC group and a realtor, Compass Realtor in Raleigh, North Carolina, just sent me something that she's working on, like a swag piece. she's like, what do you think about this? I was like, great, but make your name bigger, like make it bigger, make it bigger. And she was
cheryl_1_09-18-2024_101322:I love it.
colleen_1_09-18-2024_131322:I was like, yeah, we're extra and we know it. But I love your signature and I. From your signature, I was like, Oh, I need to like make some of my stuff a little bit bigger. But that is
cheryl_1_09-18-2024_101322:You hear that Rachel? Bigger is better. Size queen.
colleen_1_09-18-2024_131322:check out our new branding. I think it looks fabulous. And we're really trying to like continue to grow and evolve our businesses and we have a new, oh, we should just plug this to we have a new application. If you'd like to be on the show, we have a new application for guests and we're super excited about the format that we're going to do for 2025. If we're talking looking into the future and. The themes and programming that we've set up for that. So that's super exciting. But what are we going to talk about today? Because none of this was that. Hmm.
cheryl_1_09-18-2024_101322:an opportunity to talk. which actually, you know, it's feeling, it's feeling a little bit like a dopamine hit to me to be here with you today, which Is what we're going to talk about. And I will tell you why we're going to talk about it because the cutest fricking thing happened. So on Saturday, August has been playing soccer for four years. I've coached three of the years. I'm not coaching this year. Of course, I'm not going to get any of the glory, but she has never scored a goal during a game. Never has. She's always been like a little bit too timid, but this year I'm really seeing her come out of her athleticism shell, if you will. And it's been very exciting for me, a sports mom, because I was a sports girl.
colleen_1_09-18-2024_131322:Remind
cheryl_1_09-18-2024_101322:August is seven. August is seven, which coincidentally, so I, my number one sport that I was the best at was swimming. And I started that when I was seven and it just like clicked at that age. So I think it's, I think it's normal anyhow. So she scored her first goal ever on Saturday and then subsequently two more, like she was just a dribbling queen, like, right at, yes, in the same quarter, she just, she's the reason we won. Not that we're keeping score in this age, but I am. And but I am, and so are the kids, so I don't feel bad about this. So anyhow, she comes off the field after the quarter and she's just scored three goals and she's like, mom, I feel like I just drank a cup of coffee. I'm like, first of all, how do you know what that feels like? And second of all, welcome to a dopamine hit. That's what you just had girlfriend. And it's fucking phenomenal. I love them too. And so then that was really interesting. And then this morning on Skye Michiels Happier Human coaching program, which I will also link in the bio, not in the bio. This is an Instagram. I will link it in our show notes.
colleen_1_09-18-2024_131322:in her
cheryl_1_09-18-2024_101322:He had Susie on our BFF Susie was on this morning and. We were kind of talking about what distracts us. And the thing that distracts me is I noticed I am a compulsive, I grabbed my phone, I opened Instagram, compulsive, and it came out during while we were diving into that was. Well, that's a, because I'm getting a little dopamine hit from that. I'm getting little micro dopamine hits from all those interactions we're getting, which is why they're saying phones and social media are so dangerous for our youth, probably us too. So anyhow, it's just like, Oh, that's what I'm reaching for is a little dopamine hit. Because I notice I'm reaching for it when I need a break. I need a distraction. I need to pull away from what I'm doing. So then it got me thinking down the road of like, what could I do instead that would be healthier? And More fulfilling for me and fill my bucket instead of doing that, which while there are times where yes, just diving into an Instagram or Tik TOK deep dive is great and that's what I need. It's not what I need 15 times an hour when I reach for my phone. So it got me thinking about that.
colleen_1_09-18-2024_131322:I love
cheryl_1_09-18-2024_101322:Awesome. So I'm going to, I'm going to simplify dopamine just because I'm not a scientist. So I asked chat GPT to tell it to me like I'm five. So it says dopamine is like the happy juice your brain makes when you do something you enjoy. Imagine it like getting a high five from your brain for doing something good.
colleen_1_09-18-2024_131322:Oh, I love a high five.
cheryl_1_09-18-2024_101322:I know I love a high five and I love happy juice.
colleen_1_09-18-2024_131322:I love a high five and I think people should give them more often to be honest.
cheryl_1_09-18-2024_101322:Yes.
colleen_1_09-18-2024_131322:You know what
cheryl_1_09-18-2024_101322:Okay, that's hilarious because yesterday at pick up at the park where we let the kids walk down to the park to have a little bit of freedom and do it on their own and then the parents pick them up there. Some of my friends were there and at least three of them gave me a high five. All dads.
colleen_1_09-18-2024_131322:Makes you feel good. Love a high five. You know what else? I really would love and I have asked David for this, which is going to be so embarrassing for me and him we started dating is I want a secret handshake. And he will not do it. And I
cheryl_1_09-18-2024_101322:Oh my God.
colleen_1_09-18-2024_131322:handshake would be not a secret, but you know what I mean? Like a blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah.
cheryl_1_09-18-2024_101322:Yeah.
colleen_1_09-18-2024_131322:I have one with Jackson. He's the only one who will do one who's my youngest. He's the only one
cheryl_1_09-18-2024_101322:Oh,
colleen_1_09-18-2024_131322:a handshake with me, Cheryl, we need a secret handshake.
cheryl_1_09-18-2024_101322:we do. Well, I think hearing David's secret handshake might be something you do alone in the bedroom.
colleen_1_09-18-2024_131322:Okay, but I want like one where we're like, oh, boom, boom, like
cheryl_1_09-18-2024_101322:you can do in public.
colleen_1_09-18-2024_131322:Yeah. Like one in public. And he's like, you're so weird, but I love a sincere handshake. I love a high five. I, gives me a dopamine
cheryl_1_09-18-2024_101322:That's a dopamine hit. I love it.
colleen_1_09-18-2024_131322:Okay. So what else, what other things could we be doing? I know one of the really easy things that I do, not easy. of the things that seems simple that I can do. I like to go for a walk. I feel like that for me is, and I listen to a fun, like fun music or a book or something like that. Like a not a workbook or not a personal development book or podcast, just, or a fun podcast. You could listen to our podcast. Um,
cheryl_1_09-18-2024_101322:Yeah. This is fun.
colleen_1_09-18-2024_131322:just like going for a walk and like being outside and it's not the same kind of like rush, it definitely is something that like, makes me feel good. It makes me feel happy. It also makes me feel calm. I don't know if that's the same thing, but I think it's worth mentioning.
cheryl_1_09-18-2024_101322:Yeah. Let's talk about what the dopamine does. So you feel happier, you said, so it motivates us. It helps us to feel good. It's a reward when we accomplish a task like that's, that's kind of like when you finish that whole checklist that Susie has us doing our whole task list and we get to the end of the day and we're like, Holy smokes, everything's done like that. should be giving you a little rush hugs. Yeah like physical touch and connection, that's going to be sending some dopamine moving through your brain. It's, it's referred to as the feel good chemical that our brain releases. So
colleen_1_09-18-2024_131322:you love practical tips, so we can't really go around hugging everybody,
cheryl_1_09-18-2024_101322:Don't tell me how to live my life.
colleen_1_09-18-2024_131322:we do, and I hug people all the time that probably why are you hugging me? But they seem to lean into it. So I haven't hugged somebody yet. Who's like, Hey, don't hug me lady. Okay. So,
cheryl_1_09-18-2024_101322:a past client on Sunday. I, it was their daughter's birthday. I dropped by a birthday gift and I hugged the wife and she Hugged me back and I hugged the husband and I was like, oh, I feel all your discomfort. This is so fun. Not a hugger, huh?
colleen_1_09-18-2024_131322:okay. So here's what I don't understand that. Let me break this down. This is off topic, but it has to do with hugging. Like when you greet someone that, you know, you know, this person, right. you like men will often like do a handshake, right? Am I doing a handshake? Are we doing a handshake? Because I don't, I'm not like, and how do you greet somebody without some sort of Physical interaction, like a handshake or a hug. Like, what do you do? You just give like a wave. What do you do?
cheryl_1_09-18-2024_101322:Okay. So if I'm meeting someone for the first time, maybe a handshake. If I'm meeting somebody that I've known for a while, it's almost always a hug or at least a side hug or at least a pat on the back. Don't get up, but let me pat you on the back. Hi. There's definitely always touch.
colleen_1_09-18-2024_131322:Yeah.
cheryl_1_09-18-2024_101322:Almost always. Otherwise it might be a wave. If it's like, You're kind of across the room or this might be awkward, but no, I generally, I'm like, well, I guess I'm thinking like people I see at the office every day, not going to hug them because I'm seeing them all the time.
colleen_1_09-18-2024_131322:Yeah. But like
cheryl_1_09-18-2024_101322:but occasionally even then it might be a hug or at least a side hug.
colleen_1_09-18-2024_131322:Like a, Hey, or a high five or like a dab.
cheryl_1_09-18-2024_101322:High five. I mean, that was like yesterday at the park, all those dads, like we're good friends. We're, we're parenting together. It's yeah. And they initiated, I didn't initiate it.
colleen_1_09-18-2024_131322:Yeah.
cheryl_1_09-18-2024_101322:So, I mean, I think everybody wants a high five or a hug or something.
colleen_1_09-18-2024_131322:awkward to like, go up to like a client or like something and be like, Hey, high five. Good to see
cheryl_1_09-18-2024_101322:Listen,
colleen_1_09-18-2024_131322:That's
cheryl_1_09-18-2024_101322:my clients
colleen_1_09-18-2024_131322:my people.
cheryl_1_09-18-2024_101322:are like family by, you know, like we very quickly bond and that might be my woo Clifton strength shout out winning others over. But I do feel like no, my, my clients almost immediately become like people that I'll know forever and very good friends
colleen_1_09-18-2024_131322:I would love to know from our listeners, our friends that are not huggers. What is that interaction? Like, because I, I grew up in very big families and then married into a very, very big family. And I mean, like you hug everybody, that's just like, gets a hug. Hello. And not in a creepy way. I don't force my kids to hug people they don't want to, but that's just kind of how it was up. And so now I have now met some people that are like a little bit more formal or like a little bit more like,
cheryl_1_09-18-2024_101322:reserved.
colleen_1_09-18-2024_131322:Reserved. And so how would one greet that person? I don't know. I
cheryl_1_09-18-2024_101322:You don't like it?
colleen_1_09-18-2024_131322:mean, okay, I guess. I mean, okay.
cheryl_1_09-18-2024_101322:I like to fist bump kids
colleen_1_09-18-2024_131322:Okay,
cheryl_1_09-18-2024_101322:cause it feels, and then, and then I always, then I always make my hand explode.
colleen_1_09-18-2024_131322:I'll fist bump or high five a kid all day long, for sure. Like, I'm not gonna weirdly run up and hug kids, but, anyway, I just think it's funny and I, it's like something that I'm trying to figure out what. People do anyway. So hugging is a great, sometimes
cheryl_1_09-18-2024_101322:Okay.
colleen_1_09-18-2024_131322:my kitchen and Mike to me, just hug me, not make him, but I'll ask him like, will you just hug me? And I just need him to like, hold me. And then I feel better.
cheryl_1_09-18-2024_101322:Listen, I just want to lay butt to butt with my husband in bed, but like touching just a little bit. Like I need the connection, but I don't want your arm over me. Don't do that. I'm feeling claustrophobic and smothered. Like,
colleen_1_09-18-2024_131322:too much.
cheryl_1_09-18-2024_101322:just like a little bit, like just a really light touch on my back or my butt is what I'm looking for here.
colleen_1_09-18-2024_131322:Oh
cheryl_1_09-18-2024_101322:So thanks for coming to the most interesting podcast you guys have ever listened to today. Um, okay,
colleen_1_09-18-2024_131322:Who knows? We'll
cheryl_1_09-18-2024_101322:so you did already touch on one of the points that I wanted to bring up, which was movement. So even a quick walk or a stretch can trigger a dopamine Production and set a positive tone for your day. So chat GPT suggests you guys started in the morning, get some sort of movement going in the morning. But you know how we feel about a morning routine and it's like, don't tell us how to live our life. Fucking kids are going to generally interrupt that if I try to do that. But I do try to turn music on in the morning in the house. And I'm like waking up the kids, like something fun. And that's good until I start getting overwhelmed and then I have to turn it off.
colleen_1_09-18-2024_131322:Yeah, I wait all the boy share room, but so Vivian, I wait, she has her little Alexa and we play music when she wake, we play Taylor Swift for her to wake up and the boys either listen to Imagine Dragons, Bon Jovi, or Kidz Bop, that's what they like to listen to.
cheryl_1_09-18-2024_101322:I love it.
colleen_1_09-18-2024_131322:but, and we have started to Roan more in the car, which by the way, there's only two songs that we can listen to. Okay.
cheryl_1_09-18-2024_101322:I, who is this person?
colleen_1_09-18-2024_131322:Oh my God, Pink Pony Club, you know, these songs.
cheryl_1_09-18-2024_101322:I don't know. You have to send them to me.
colleen_1_09-18-2024_131322:Oh
cheryl_1_09-18-2024_101322:put them in the show notes on these, send these to me.
colleen_1_09-18-2024_131322:everybody listening knows you're everybody. And you will love them. They're so fun, but they're like highly inappropriate for children. But those two you can kind of get away with, but then the rest of her music is super fun and you should listen to it. But not kid approved. So I shouldn't play this, but they're like really fun songs.
cheryl_1_09-18-2024_101322:Well, listen, Emmy asked me yesterday, why are the people in your songs saying bad words? I said, cause they're grownups and they're allowed to, and mommy doesn't turn off the explicit. Sorry.
colleen_1_09-18-2024_131322:kids
cheryl_1_09-18-2024_101322:You need to learn what's appropriate, what's not.
colleen_1_09-18-2024_131322:they're so funny. So I don't know. So I was raised by two parents that swore like sailors and our family was just like that. Like that was probably my first word, my kids. And I'm not like, I don't. Intentionally not swear around them, but I don't, I don't swear around them very much, I guess, but we were listening, we listened to songs sometimes like Taylor Swift swears in her songs and there's like, and there's one down bad, I think it's of her songs. And maybe it's like, mom, they see a bat. They say the F word four times in this song. We cannot listen to this song. And I was like, Oh my God, chill out.
cheryl_1_09-18-2024_101322:Okay. Cuss word police.
colleen_1_09-18-2024_131322:I had to tell her, I was like, listen, listen, Viv. Um, I get it. Yeah, I don't really want you going around saying swear words like that's not what I, I don't, I wouldn't prefer that. Okay. I said, but are going to say them you're going to have to, and you're going to hear them, especially now that you're going into middle school. Cause at her school, fifth grade is middle school. I was like, you're probably going to hear swear words. So I just don't want you to freak out when it happens, but just know that like, maybe you shouldn't be using those words, but you're not going to be in trouble if you hear words. And she was like, Oh, it was like,
cheryl_1_09-18-2024_101322:I just heard this philosophy from a friend of mine who said, I honestly would so much rather my kids say a swear word than a hateful word.
colleen_1_09-18-2024_131322:Oh my
cheryl_1_09-18-2024_101322:And I was like, Oh my God, a million times. Yes. Like say, fuck, I don't care. And my daughter was, you know, she's the one that's like, mom, fuck is a bad word. Right? I'm like, you know, it's a bad word. You just wanted to say you little fucker. And she's like, she's walking around middle finger everywhere. And I'm like, Okay, I get it. I see you. I was you.
colleen_1_09-18-2024_131322:I'm
cheryl_1_09-18-2024_101322:fine.
colleen_1_09-18-2024_131322:the most, the prudest kids in the world. And I don't even know how I'm doing it. Like if, except for Jackson, maybe Jackson, my youngest will like point with his middle finger and my two oldest will be like,
cheryl_1_09-18-2024_101322:Same.
colleen_1_09-18-2024_131322:and he won't even been doing it on purpose, but kind of, or like the, his finger will be like out and like, you know, whatever. And they're like, he's giving us the, that's a bad word mom. And I'm like, did your dad raise you? Who are you? Like this, I wouldn't tell you this super funny story about Everett and then we'll talk about whatever. So Jackson is my like wildest quote unquote of the three, the youngest, right. And that kind of comes with the territory. When you're the youngest of three, you're, you're parented less, you're supervised less, you, you're, your parents are
cheryl_1_09-18-2024_101322:your parents are fucking tired.
colleen_1_09-18-2024_131322:so tired. They just don't care anymore. I mean, they care about you, but like, they care less about like, what you're doing, if that makes sense.
cheryl_1_09-18-2024_101322:The expectations have been lowered so much that it's like, if you stayed alive today, we crushed the day.
colleen_1_09-18-2024_131322:Yeah, we've done it. So he, there are certain things on YouTube that he's not allowed to watch that I don't think are like appropriate, right? usually like older kids, like teenage kids who are like jumping off buildings into things, mostly because they just don't want him to be doing that or to be a dick, he likes to watch them. And so he'll sneak it sometimes. And I had said to him like, Hey, if you, if you choose to watch these things when you know, you're not supposed to, then we're going to have to get rid of the, of YouTube on the TV. Like we're going to have to get rid of the app. So Everett, who's my middle, is not stereotypically like a middle child, he's more like an older child. He comes up to me the other day and he goes, mommy, I found ever, I found Jackson downstairs in the basement watching something he was not supposed to be watching on YouTube. So I deleted the app. I was like, okay, thank you. I was like, great. Thanks, man. Thanks for handling that. I was like, wow, what have
cheryl_1_09-18-2024_101322:These older kids love to parent. They really do.
colleen_1_09-18-2024_131322:And I'm like, I never asked him to do that. Like whenever, but I was like, these kids need to chill out. have I done here? even know. I mean,
cheryl_1_09-18-2024_101322:They just like to please each other. They might be getting it from school too.
colleen_1_09-18-2024_131322:I mean, like, I'm going to take it as good parenting, but also I also don't want them to have like weird anxieties about these things either. So anyway, which is
cheryl_1_09-18-2024_101322:basically what we're going to do today is just. Sprinkle some actionable items for dopamine hits to you between stories that make us laugh and are giving us dopamine. Yeah.
colleen_1_09-18-2024_131322:like it's on, it's on topic on a
cheryl_1_09-18-2024_101322:Thanks for being here today, you guys. Okay. So celebrating small accomplishments can trigger dopamine and make you feel more motivated. So an example that I'm thinking of is and you've talked about your student loans and let's talk about my student loans. So I have. Previously got into a place where like I had three or four different student loans. I took out at different times, different companies,
colleen_1_09-18-2024_131322:Yeah.
cheryl_1_09-18-2024_101322:maybe a couple of credit card here or there. All those things. Well, what's the guy, Dave Ramsey has this snowball approach that he talks about for paying off debt. And what it is is it's not looking at interest rates. It's not looking at anything like that. You look at your balances and you pay off your smallest balance first. So you put them in order, you pay minimum payments to everything else. And you put all the extra that you've been throwing at all of them, because let's, we all know when we have multiple things we're paying to, we're never, well, not never, but often not paying the smallest, like the minimum balance on those. We're just throwing a lot at each of them. So the tip there is you pay minimums on everything, and then you'd throw everything else you would have been throwing at that, at this smallest one, because you're going to pay that one off super quick if you do that, because it's pretty easy. Probably small. And then now you roll all that into your next one. So you snowball it and then you roll it onto your next one. And it's the reason it works is because you're seeing that accomplishment and you're getting that dopamine hit and you're feeling excited and like you, you're more motivated to keep going by doing it this way, which is why he suggests it. So there's an actionable anecdote around celebrate your small wins to get a little hit.
colleen_1_09-18-2024_131322:I love that. I've heard that many times, but I like framing it in that idea of Almost like checking it off, you know, like the feeling you get when you check it off
cheryl_1_09-18-2024_101322:Mm hmm.
colleen_1_09-18-2024_131322:your task list or whatever. that. I
cheryl_1_09-18-2024_101322:So, helping others or doing something kind for someone else naturally increases dopamine as well. Love that. So,
colleen_1_09-18-2024_131322:love giving. That is my thing that I love to do.
cheryl_1_09-18-2024_101322:uh,
colleen_1_09-18-2024_131322:to give gifts to other people in a non forced way, I will say. I don't love when it's the holidays and you're like, fuck, what am I going to get for like your husband's birthday?
cheryl_1_09-18-2024_101322:cousins.
colleen_1_09-18-2024_131322:second brother, whatever
cheryl_1_09-18-2024_101322:Right.
colleen_1_09-18-2024_131322:But I do love when you find a gift for somebody or you can think of something, that is just going to be like really awesome and to make them so happy. That makes me so happy. And I love doing that for closing gifts like that. I, I struggle with this because I know we're supposed to like, not supposed to don't tell them what to do. I know it helps us to systemize our closing gifts. Right. To make our
cheryl_1_09-18-2024_101322:Yes?
colleen_1_09-18-2024_131322:processes smoother. But I just love the idea of for example, I just had a, a deal closed and it was really stressful. We all know, we've heard about it now. And for that client, I got them both, the husband and the wife gift certificates to a spa. Cause I was like, Oh, like this will help you like, I know this one was tough. We got through it. Like here's way to relax. And they were like, Oh my God. That is so amazing. Thank you so much. What a thoughtful gift versus here's another bottle of wine and a picture of your old house. I don't know. You know what I mean? Like sometimes those are, I've done that.
cheryl_1_09-18-2024_101322:Well, listen, I'm going to reframe for you. I'm going to, I'm going to make this okay for you. I think it would be okay. You have three or four
colleen_1_09-18-2024_131322:with it.
cheryl_1_09-18-2024_101322:ideas
colleen_1_09-18-2024_131322:Yeah.
cheryl_1_09-18-2024_101322:that are just easy to plug and play. And then in the transactions where something, you know, something would be perfect, then you just stray and that's completely fine. It's a little bit of both, best of both worlds.
colleen_1_09-18-2024_131322:I, that was what I was talking about with my team this week is let's come up with some kind of standardized. Gift giving ideas, even just for like holiday or birthday or whatever, but then, you know, if it's something really special happened during that transaction or something really stressful happened or something, you had a really great connection with that person or some funny joke that happened during that's the time where we talk about, you know, if you read that book Unreasonable Hospitality, where you, that's where you're like taking it to the next level and that for me brings me so much joy. That makes me so happy and I don't, and it's not it's not about like me being like, look at me, I'm so great. I am so great at doing this for you. It's more oh my God, I know this genuinely will make them really happy. And I, by the way, I'm not the person who has to sit and watch the person open a gift because I do not want to do that. That is so awkward.
cheryl_1_09-18-2024_101322:I wasn't asked that,
colleen_1_09-18-2024_131322:no, I don't want to see it. I don't care. It doesn't that's not the part for me. The part for me is just knowing that they're going to
cheryl_1_09-18-2024_101322:you nailed it.
colleen_1_09-18-2024_131322:Yeah. Oh,
cheryl_1_09-18-2024_101322:other ways you could do that other than gift giving. Like I think of in my office when there's other agents that are like struggling with something with the technology and they ask and I can solve that problem for them. That makes me feel really good. It gives me a boost of self confidence, makes me feel needed and special and all of those things. Some simple things you could do is text a friend and tell them how much you appreciate them. So this morning I texted my bestie, Lizzy, who doesn't listen, but I'm going to send you this one so you feel bad. I texted her and I said, I hope that I fill your cup in the same way you fill mine. And she, I ran into her at drop off and she's like, I just read your text. That was so nice. I'm like, thanks. You're welcome. Gave us both a little dopamine hit.
colleen_1_09-18-2024_131322:that's similar to that idea of pebbling, which I've seen on social media. Susie talked to us about this too. And it's it goes back to this story. I think it's penguins, like penguins or somebody, some animal like brings pebbles to the people that they love as like time. Anyway, they talk about like when you send memes or you send reels to people, you're like pebbling them because you're
cheryl_1_09-18-2024_101322:Hmm.
colleen_1_09-18-2024_131322:them and you're like. know, it's a simple thing and I know we shouldn't all be on social media and whatever, but I think it is like when you see something so funny or so special and you want to share that with somebody that is that is a little bit of like a dopamine hit. I like my sister and I like between each other. It's just like streams of reels that we're sending back and forth. And, and that is just. A way to connect, it's
cheryl_1_09-18-2024_101322:Hmm.
colleen_1_09-18-2024_131322:especially for people who are like, she's in Paris. So it's long distance for us.
cheryl_1_09-18-2024_101322:It's like easy and not intrusive and lighthearted and yep. Love it.
colleen_1_09-18-2024_131322:although I just, my best friend, Shelby, who is local told me she heard a statistic or read a statistic that like people are spending. Oh, this is a terrible stuff that I'm going to give you. I don't know, 40 percent less time with their friends. Because these days, because a lot of reasons, but also because. much interaction is happening online
cheryl_1_09-18-2024_101322:Hmm.
colleen_1_09-18-2024_131322:that they feel connected, but they're not seeing their friends in person. So I thought that was interesting, but
cheryl_1_09-18-2024_101322:And I think that sometimes. Sending those memes and gifts can make you feel like you're still connected to a person when you're actually not connected on the same level that you would be without that. So like you feel like, oh, I don't need to check in with them because I like, I just talked to them this morning. But then if you went back and looked, you're like, I actually didn't talk to them. I like we're just exchanging funny memes and gifs and that's not. The same level of connection. So I think it is a healthy thing to have and, and we might need more. So Adam Grant this morning, I was listening to him on the Trevor Noah podcast, and he was talking about how he gave a statistic about kids that start on social media and with a cell phone later have stronger friendships and better connections than the ones that are getting them young. Cause I think we're stunting their growth with that. And
colleen_1_09-18-2024_131322:a whole push, at least in my area, I think it's nationally where they're asking you to not there's a big to not get your kid a cell phone until they're 13, at least that would be the
cheryl_1_09-18-2024_101322:then give a stupid phone. Don't give a smartphone. Give like a flip phone that calls and texts.
colleen_1_09-18-2024_131322:Yeah, my brother in law and sister in law did that for my nephew, who's now 15 and you know, you get, he got made fun of or whatever it was, but also he was like, he didn't care, but he had like a flip phone and he could text and call. And the purpose was just to be able to get ahold of his parents basically, and grandparents and stuff to pick him up. and it's so interesting because I, our kids go to a private, like progressive education school. And I was like, I thought we were. We're all doing this, right? We're like, we're going to, we're going to wait until we're 13, at least, you know, wait till eighth grade or whatever. And then there's kids in my son's second grade class, third grade class, they had phones already. And I was like, what, what are we doing? And like, I don't know. I'm not trying to pass judgment on anybody. also like, what are we doing? Like, I thought we were doing the thing,
cheryl_1_09-18-2024_101322:Right. There's a book called the anxious generation and I'll, I'll link it in the show notes as well. And he's been on lots of podcasts. I've been listening to him, but he does talk about 2010 when I first iPhone dropped, the first smartphone dropped the level of happiness. And our youth declined tremendously. So there's the big push for we need more play and we need less everything at the palm of our hand. So
colleen_1_09-18-2024_131322:think that's what, we chose, there's amazing schools in the area that I live by amazing public schools. And I'm not hating on those at all. But when we moved here, specifically chose the school that we did because they spend somewhere between 30 to 45 percent of their day outside, no matter what, there are a lot of schools now nationally. there are some kids that don't go outside all day, and especially in areas where the climate is cold weather climates. They'll have restrictions on when the kids can't go outside and for cold weather purposes and stuff, but I mean, to have a bunch of kindergartners who can't go outside the whole day, no wonder there's behavioral issues. No wonder they're act, you know what I mean? To expect these kids, all the way up until eighth grade to expect kids or high school to not be able
cheryl_1_09-18-2024_101322:sit and focus.
colleen_1_09-18-2024_131322:to not be able to just run or play or be outside or, you know, Experience those dopamine hits outside with their friends or whatever is a strange expectation. I think adults have, but I think going back to this dopamine thing, like, Spending time with friends like you go out to a girl's night or have you know like where you can just have fun and like laugh is such a just Oh talk about something that like fills your cup or what? However, you want to say it like brings you joy or just like that closeness is hard to be
cheryl_1_09-18-2024_101322:Yeah. That's why I'm in two bunco groups because I just want to get out and laugh and enjoy and just be myself with connection for a little bit. It's InspireHER same there, you know, like building these genuine connections and sharing with like minded individuals is so powerful and truly life giving. Speaking of giving, giving gratitude. Can stimulate the positivity and dopamine production in your brain. So I have heard this saying, or this thought that you can't be grateful and unhappy at the same time.
colleen_1_09-18-2024_131322:Yeah, those, those thoughts can't exist at the same time.
cheryl_1_09-18-2024_101322:I think there really probably is something to the, like gratitude practice daily to shift your focus there. And the other thing, the vibrations and the secret, the things that you give attention to are the things that you, you're going to have more of in your life.
colleen_1_09-18-2024_131322:Yeah.
cheryl_1_09-18-2024_101322:taking the time to have that gratitude practice likely is going to put you in a more positive mood and like positive begets positive. You're going to get that back from the universe.
colleen_1_09-18-2024_131322:Yeah. The ninja selling coaching program does a lot of gratitude. And when I went and did that installation, I was like, this is hokey as the hell. But when you really start doing it and you really get over yourself and some of it comes from just embarrassment or it comes from I don't know, thinking it's lame.
cheryl_1_09-18-2024_101322:Don't tell me how to live my life.
colleen_1_09-18-2024_131322:When you really get past that, I think it, it, it is really helpful. It is really just gives you a perspective and I, I, I love the change of perspective, so
cheryl_1_09-18-2024_101322:Same.
colleen_1_09-18-2024_131322:do I have to say healthy
cheryl_1_09-18-2024_101322:Okay. Enjoy a sensory experience. So engaging your senses with things that you enjoy, like eating your favorite healthy snack or enjoying nature boosts dopamine. So when I.
colleen_1_09-18-2024_131322:so rude. What am I
cheryl_1_09-18-2024_101322:Because, yeah, so when I texted Colleen today, like, what do you think about talking about this? She's like, I, and I said healthy, fulfilling ways to achieve dopamine over like the Instagram hit, for instance. And her only word response was ice cream.
colleen_1_09-18-2024_131322:just, so bad. I also conditioned response because it was my mom's response to how to handle stress was let's
cheryl_1_09-18-2024_101322:Ugh.
colleen_1_09-18-2024_131322:sit down, eat ice cream and. like relax and whatever.
cheryl_1_09-18-2024_101322:I think about that constantly when I'm parenting and my kids are having a hard moment. I'm like, what am I going to do to get them through this moment that hopefully isn't going to give them a lifelong condition, if you will, or conditioning towards a habit that may not be serve them when they're an adult. But if eating ice cream fucking fills your cup, then fill that damn bowl of ice cream and enjoy it. From time to time.
colleen_1_09-18-2024_131322:not going to tell you what to do. You do what you want.
cheryl_1_09-18-2024_101322:Mm hmm. I'm just talking to you, Colleen. If you want to eat ice cream, you can eat ice cream.
colleen_1_09-18-2024_131322:Thank you for giving me permission.
cheryl_1_09-18-2024_101322:I'm going to talk about mindful breathing real quick because this was like a highlight of my day yesterday, which was just. weird, but we started 6amers with breath work instead of meditation. And then Rory Gold talked about how when you, you know, like when you're hysterical as a child and you like, like suck in the breath, breath, breath that. is like a way to calm yourself down. So I thought that was really fascinating. And then I ended up in yoga yesterday and we did more of that. And I was just really fascinated to see what a calming reaction that had on my body. All right, you guys get out there today, find a way to. Get that dopamine hit in a healthy, fulfilling way. And if it is scrolling on Instagram, then just set a timer and give it a place in your life and keep going. Talk to you soon.
colleen_1_09-18-2024_131322:All right. Love you guys. Bye.
cheryl_1_09-18-2024_101322:Love you. Bye.
